Toyota HiAce, Honda Prelude Si, Dale Earnhardt Car Of Tomorrow: The Dopest Cars I Found For Sale Online

I came across a Saab 900 Turbo in my travels through Seattle Craigslist, but I stayed my hand from adding it to the mix. It wasn’t in bad condition, it wasn’t totaled or rebuilt or flooded, but its addition would have bumped this plainer 900 from the slides. That simply wouldn’t do.

This Saab 900, non-Turbo, is just such a nice little car. Look at the tri-spokes, look at the pinstripe that runs from hood to hatch hinges. Cars don’t seem to have that kind of attention to detail any more (at least, not until you start really spending), but it’s nice to have a reminder that it ever happened.

I know, I know, I’m normally the Small Cars person here on the jello picnic site. I extoll the virtues of kei cars and disparage lifted trucks at every turn. Yet, here I am, putting forth a lifted body-on-frame SUV — one parked in a compact spot, no less. What am I doing?

Well, honestly, I’m a sucker for a Lexus GX. This era of the car, the 470, was my first car back in high school — a hand-me-down from my mom when she upgraded to a newer 460. Yes, the number went down. No, the infotainment did not change in any appreciable way.

I think we need to start incorporating wood as a building material for automobiles again. I just think cars and trucks remain too constant in form and function despite changes in heat, humidity, and precipitation. Frankly, it’s unnatural.

There’s a deleted scene from The Godfather that talks about wooden bumpers on cars, and I think we need to start doing that again. Not so excess metal can be donated to any war effort, but just because natural materials are neat. It’s quirky. Give me a Flinstones car and I will drive it, so long as I don’t have to pedal it myself.

After two large vehicles, I figure you were beginning to think Andy took over the slides, so let this be your reassurance. I’m here, you’re safe. I will always be here. I have yet to find conclusive evidence that I can die, and refuse to take that as fact without further proof.

Anyway, now that you’re sure it’s still me behind the keyboard, how about a kei truck? It’s got enough room in back to hold a full bicycle, something even the vaunted Cybertruck struggles to do. Really, it’s the most practical vehicle you can buy.

The seller of this 210 claims it was almost fully restored — “Next to body off” in their words. I honestly can’t tell what “next to” means here, because the car looks absolutely gorgeous. Looking over the pictures, I can’t find a stone that was left unturned.

The interior is immaculate, the engine bay glistens. I’ve seen new cars sitting on dealer floors in worse shape than this. What’s left to fix up? Does the spare tire not hold air any more?

Oh hell yeah. Do you remember Evel Knievel? I remember Evel Knievel. Remember when his motorcycles were America? Those were good times. My motorcycle is America, like his were.

Honestly, the seat on this bike screams Easy Rider more than Evel Knievel, but my first reaction upon seeing an American flag-print bike will be to think of stunts and jumps. And Hot Rod, of course, but I’m almost always thinking about Hot Rod.

Despite my explicit instructions to show For Sale By Owner only, Craigslist occasionally slips up and shows me a listing from a dealer. Generally, this means my list of incredibly cool niche vehicles is interrupted by approximately one thousand identical ads for the same Nissan Rogue, but sometimes it means I get to see something like this.

This Toyota HiAce is for sale from a dealership, if you can believe that. A purveyor of adventure vehicles for the Pacific Northwest, that appears to specialize in JDM goodies. Seattle is a mythical, magical place, and I don’t understand why I don’t live there.

Honda is talking about bringing back the Prelude, but you can’t buy that shiny new model right now. Well, fine, maybe you can, if your uncle totally works at Honda and he can absolutely get you an advance preproduction unit that’ll make the rest of us so jealous, but mot of us don’t have such a luxury.

Luckily, though, we have other luxuries. Luxuries like old Prelude Sis, which haven’t gone anywhere. Don’t get me wrong, plenty of them have rusted into scrap, but they haven’t all gone that way. You only need one to make your perfect daily driver.

Well, how do you do, old chap? Fancy a bit of motoring sport in the old horseless carriages? Perchance a spot of friendly competition between two gentlemen such as ourselves, with naught to be won but admiration and enjoyment? Tally ho!

I wish cars of this era (and even earlier ones, like Duesenbergs) drove like modern vehicles. I want something that looks like an MG TF, but can actually handle — and start every time without futzing around with a choke. I want a Mitsuoka, really, is what I’m getting at here.

Ever since reading “Lone Rider” by Elspeth Beard, there’s been a voice in the back of my mind that hungers for an air-cooled boxer twin. Riding the Ural out in the Pacific Northwest only strengthened that desire. I need an old aircooled BMW, and I need it bad.

Unfortunately, given the kind of car budget you get with a pay scale like ours, whatever BMW I can get my hands on will in fact be bad. This one, which costs more than any vehicle I’ve ever owned, is far too rich for my blood. I’ll leave it to you instead.

People talk a lot about trucks not being honest anymore. They’re all too big and brash, none of them are the sort of humble workhorses that pickups had been for decades. Well, here’s honesty for you: A truck with FARM TRUCK written right on the door.

Sure, the lift kit isn’t the most farm-practical, but maybe this truck lived on a farm that was particularly muddy. Or deep. A rice paddy is a kind of farm, and those are always wet. Maybe this truck worked on one of those.

This generation of Civic Si is weird. It’s the egg one, the one with the shifter sticking straight into the dash beneath the radio, the one that bears the capital offense of selling in an American market despite looking — gasp — European.

Honda fixed that error with later Civics, when models bound for Europe spent years as entirely separate cars from the ones we got here, but these old blobs are still kicking around our streets. I, for one, think that’s for the best. Weird things are neat, and we need more weird things.

The seller of this Genesis claims it’s “set up for track/autoX/drifting,” which probably means it isn’t specifically catered to any one of those things. The suspension seems to have more negative camber up front than in the rear, like a drift car, but the front end has a low-hanging splitter and holes in the quarter panels to vent air trapped in the wheel wells. It’s both, but sometimes in ways that compromise the other’s use case.

It doesn’t really matter, though, because this Genesis is sick as hell. You can adjust the suspension for whatever your heart desires, and at the end of the day you’ll still have a six-cylinder stick shift coupe with purple underglow. All cars should have purple underglow. It should be legally mandated, like headlights.

Harley-Davidson named this bike the V-Rod, but the Harley faithful call it the VRSC. Wikipedia tells me that stands for “V-twin Racing Street Custom,” but I always read it as “V-Rod Super Charged.” This is of course wrong, as the V-Rod is naturally aspirated — like most motorcycles that exist. What if a V-Rod was supercharged, though?

Well, it’d look something like this. This VRSC has a mod list nearly as long as its wheelbase, and that list includes some belt-driven encouragement for the intake air. The seller doesn’t include a dyno sheet, but do you really need one? It’ll turn tires to smoke. I promise.

Plenty of us own fast cars. We own interesting cars, capable cars, or heavily modified cars. We might even say, with our roll bars and race seats, that our daily drivers are race cars. But, are they? Are they really?

Not compared to this Car Of Tomorrow, they aren’t. The seller claims this CoT was built by Dale Earnhardt Incorporated, which gives it about as much race pedigree as you’ll see on four wheels. Oh, your BRZ has a fire extinguisher mounted where the cup holders should be? That’s cute.