Friends, it is a Saturday once again. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and you need an excuse to get out into the world. You need something large, expensive, and inconvenient to go purchase, and I’m here to help.
This week, we’ve got a collection of vehicles that truly earn their dopeness. Few are from this century, and those that are have stories so venerated that to call them un-dope would be sacrelige. It’s time for Dopest Cars, everybody.
The title for this Craigslist ad just says “esau’s truck.” I googled who Esau is, and apparently he was the son of Isaac and grandson of Abraham in the Old Testament. Esau shows up in Genesis, meaning this Toyota pickup truck is at least as old as the creation of the Earth. My Biblical knowledge is impeccable, I know.
If there’s any vehicle that could survive the time from “Let there be light” until now and maintain its functionality as a work truck that entire time, I’d believe it was a Toyota Pickup. They’re just so resilient.
This, my friends, is how you address the paint on a barn find. This Chrysler Airflow sat around for god knows how long, before being rescued and nursed back to health by its current owner. In that time, the paint cracked and faded, but the restorer only did the smallest number of touch-ups to it.
You can still see every year of this Airflow’s life in its paint, and that’s how it should be. We’re talking a car that’s nearly 90 years old — it’s earned some battle scars, some things to point at and reminisce about times gone by. Let it keep the worn paint.
The days of affordable, stock S2000s are long behind us, but the days of semi-affordable almost-stock S2000s are still here. Take this one — it’s under $25,000, and most of the mods are things you’d likely want to do anyway. A newer soft top, a replacement radiator, and some cosmetic bits cribbed from the CR model.
Sure, the front bumper looks like it’s been repainted, but that’s fine. No, the bumper doesn’t fit right either. Look, stop asking questions. Do you want an S2000 for less than your salary or not?
This Firebird claims 601 horsepower, dynoed, from its 461 cubic inch engine. It’s a four-speed manual with power steering and power discs at all four wheels. Basically, it’s been built to drive the way you imagine ‘60s muscle cars drove — fast as hell in a straight line, and mildly controllable in a corner.
It does contain a sin, however, in the form of enormous chrome five-spoke wheels. I personally believe the manufacture and sale of these (for non-ironic purposes) to be a war crime against both man and god, but the Hague won’t return my calls or emails about setting up a trial. American Racing, you will see justice in this life or the next.
This 240Z is about as cheap as you’ll find a (relatively) rust-free S30. It’s not perfect, none of them are, but for the price this one is oddly intact. What makes it so affordable, when these are normally astronomically priced? Well, the paint is neither original nor good, the engine won’t run because its carbs were parted out, and oh yeah — it’s a former SCCA car
Rather than being collector-original, this Z was modified for vintage racing. Aftermarket suspension, a roll cage, harnesses — this is far from a museum-spec S30. Of course, if you like actually driving your cars, that’s all an advantage. Just, get rid of the Rota wheels ASAP.
Have I mentioned how much I love every name that’s ever been associated with the Delica? This isn’t just a Delica, it’s a Delica Star Wagon with a Crystal Lite roof. How rad is that? “Oh, yeah, this is my Star Wagon. Yeah, it’s got the Crystal Lite roof.” If you can truthfully say that sentence, you are the coolest motherfucker in the room.
This Star Wagon With The Crystal Lite Roof, according to Craigslist, is located somewhere along my commute into the Jalopnik global headquarters. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll see it around my apartment someday. It, and its glorious windowed roof.
I can’t see the words “Evo IV“ without hearing them in the voice of the Initial D Battle Stage announcer. Sure, it may have been an Evo III that actually beat Takumi, but the IV came first — the battle that set off Team Emperor’s feud with the Ghost of Akina in the first place.
I mean, sure, you can like the Evo IV for normal reasons. You could be a fan of rally, or the car’s nimble handling, or just its comically oversized fog lights. But why like a car for car reasons when you could like it because of an anime from the ‘90s?
you got any games on your phone
Recently, I’ve been more and more tempted into the idea of motorcycle track days. You take the whole idea of going faster, faster, until the thrill of speed overcomes the fear of death and add in the frameless, in-the-moment focus of motorcycling. Plus, y’know, a controlled environment where there’s substantially less death to fear.
This R1 would make one hell of a track bike, with enough horsepower and handling to hit that thrill of speed consistently. Also, as an aside, I think we need to start stickering vehicles with random engineering details again. CROSS PLANE I4 is too good a badge not to keep around.
Okay, fine, this would make a much better first track bike than that R1. It’s slower, cheaper, more beginner-friendly, and still comes in that Yamaha blue I’ve loved since I was a kid. I’m genuinely not clear where my lifelong love of Yamaha comes from, but I think it’s the color.
I actually came close to buying a couple R3s, back in the early pandemic days in Rochester, NY. One, I was in the process of getting a UHaul when it sold out from under me. Truly the one that got away.
Wooo-hooo!
WHEN I FEEL HEAVY METAL
Wooo-hooo!
AND I’M PINS AND I’M NEEDLES
Wooo-hooo!
WELL I LIE AND I’M EASY
ALL OF THE TIME BUT I’M NEVER SURE WHY I NEED YOU
As a former marketer, there has been no ad in human history more effective than that one. Someday I’m going to own an E39 M5 as a bit, purely thanks to that video. I will be uninstalling the rear seatbelts, and burning a custom CD consisting of exactly one song for the stereo.
If you’re looking for a time machine, this Beetle may be as close as you’re going to get. It’s not original — even the paint and engine are aftermarket — but it also wasn’t restored yesterday. The seller claims it was refurbished sometime in the early aughts, which means it’s old enough to feel just a little lived-in.
That’s important in a time machine. Something too original will feel its full age, reminding you that this car is in fact 60 years old, but something too freshly restored will just feel like an untouchable museum piece. For something you can use the way it would’ve been used back in the day, you need a Bug like this.
Earlier this week, a 100-series Lexus LX470 sold for $32,500 on Bring a Trailer. This is an absolutely hilarious price, even for a mint Brand Cruiser, so I went out and found a hundy for just about one tenth the price.
Except, I didn’t need to so much hunting. Land Cruisers are around, you can get them cheap. Maybe not this cheap, usually, but they aren’t $30,000 cars. Stop spending so much on these, you’re gonna make them unaffordable for their true target market: Me specifically.
Okay, yes, this is a rusted out Subaru station wagon. The exhaust is a tractor flap that dumps soot directly on the bumper. It’s not a particularly desirable year, or model, or trim. But you know what it is? It’s camp.
Yeah, when Karlie Kloss was looking camp right in the eye? This Subaru was actually just out of frame. I think more people need to own, drive, and modify vehicles for the bit, and this Subaru is a great place to start.
The C4 Corvette is not the best Corvette. In fact, it’s probably one of the worst. But it’s the most eighties Corvette, which gets it points in the style department, and this one is quite possibly the most teal Corvette. You take that Arizona Iced Tea hue, you add a big wing, and you expect me not to love the car? On the day of my daughter’s wedding?
No, this is an exception to the C4 rule. This ‘Vette is great, and I will hear no arguments to the contrary. Unless the argument is “it could be improved with cherry blossom decals,” because that’s just true.